Who I am.

Today, I have thought a lot about who I am, and where I would or could be.

Be prepared for some rambling, run on sentences, and much more.

I always get deep around holidays. I think too much. I reflect on things. I beat myself up. Really, I just think and absorb everything in my life.

I know that everything I have done or haven't done has shaped me into the person I am, as well as the person I am becoming. We constantly change.
I read in a book once that the key to a good marriage is loving every aspect of your spouse as well as yourself. You have to teach yourself to fall in love with that person all over again, because as much as they have changed through out your relationship, you have too.

Where would I be if Austin and I didn't meet? I would like to hope that I would be a graduate, and starting my career. But I know that I would most likely be a lost young adult, trying to win my parents approval, and search for the 'perfect' guy. Because I know that before I met Austin, I wanted the movie love. I wanted to join the peace corps and change peoples life. I had so many unrealistic dreams and goals. I also know that with Austin, I got a beautiful son, an amazing man as a husband, and someone I can share my new goals and dreams with.

Where would I be if I wasn't adopted. Most likely, I would be a high school drop out, with two or three kids. Learning the family business, 'How to cook everything under your kitchen sink, and turn it into meth'. I come from a winning family tree. Luckily, I did get some awesome parents, who taught me right from wrong, and made me the woman who looks and longs for there approval, when she already has it. I am not sure where I would be with out them.

Where would I be if Owen wasn't here? I would probably be stretch mark free. But I also wouldn't know a love so strong, so deep, and so rewarding. I though I knew love with Austin, but its a different love when you have a child. I remember being pregnant, wondering if I would love my baby as much as I love Brylee. Love multiplies. It grows. It gets stronger.

I think about people who have come in and out of my life. I know we all have our reasons, and life happens. I also know that every person I have been friends with, and I am still friends with has shaped me. I know what a healthy friendship is like. I know what it's like when both people put the same amount of time, love, encouragement into the friendship. I also have learned what I strive to be as a friend, and how not to treat others.

I remember the petty things I have done in the past.
Was it worth it?
Did I accomplish anything with the gossip, angry text, rude facebook status?
No. No I didn't.

Do I feel bad about it? Of course.
Have I mended those relationships? Some yes, some are not able to fix.
Everything we do or say has a consequence. People may forgive, but they don't forget. The saying, 'sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me' that's a lie. Words hurt. They cut deep, and words are one thing you can't ever take back. ALWAYS think before you speak.

I often think way to much about the negative people in my life, but at the same time, those people have changed me for the better.
I am twenty-three, I am a young mother and wife, and I already know what kind of mother and wife I want to be...I strive to be, because of the rude and hateful people in my life.
Every time I want to give up at the gym, I go back to my junior year, and the dumb jock who called me a cow and mooed at me. I think about the girl who sent me text about how fat I am, how gross my body is, and I keep going. The people who bring me down, also fuel my fire, because if there is one thing in this world I know for sure, its that I don't want to be like those people.

I don't know where I will be in a month, two months, or a year. I do know that I will be better then I am now though. All I can ever do is strive to be better.
Be a better wife.
Be a better mother.
Be a better daughter.
Be a better sister.
Be a better friend.
Be the best version of K'lynn that I can be.

We forget who we are at times.
We forget where we have come from, and where we are going.

Weekend recap

Sorry about the late post.

 

^^^^

This happened today, at around 11 am...went on all stinkin day.

 

 



Anyways, let us get to the extravagant weekend!

Friday, I don't have much to say. Austin was in Philly, and Owen and I were home. Alldayumday.
I wish I could say I went to the gym, but I didn't. I wish I could say I was active, but I wasn't. It was rainy and gloomy, and Owen and I hung out.
We had death in a box aka Macdonalds for dinner, and Owen may or may not have cussed at me when I wanted to take a cute picture of his fat self with ice cream.

Saturday, we were pretty busy.
We did some Christmas shopping, present wrapping, we had some yummy food at this amazing Italian place(Olive Garden ain't got nothing on it)(YES I DID USE double negatives) 
As we left dinner, it was snowing. Perfect ending to out night.
We got home, and put Owen to bed, and played some video games and ate more crap(no not real poop).

Sunday, we spent way to much money.
We watched QVC the night before, and decided we had to have the butterball turkey fryer.
Since I am a genius though, I Googled cheaper prices, and Wal Mart does not sell it for 5 easy payments of 39.95....its just a easy 90bucks! BaM Bam thank you ma'am.
So this year we will be frying a Turkey for three. Not just any turkey either, a twelve pound turkey.

We also got one of my Christmas presents, Paula Dean pots and pans thank you Paula for saying the same word every rapper says, and making your pots and pans super cheap.

Next up was the Christmas tree and decorations, because I am that person who will decorate when ever I want.
I mean really, it's Jesus birthday, why wouldn't I want to celebrate all year long?

Guess whats back, back again?
Go tell a friend.

White chocolate covered oreos.
BOMB.

 

 

Friday, my second favorite 'F' word

Father being my first.

I have certainly been blessed with finding the most amazing man to be my husband, and Owens father.

You see, Austin is everything a father should be. He reminds me so much of mine, which is good in a way, because my father showed me what it's like when you love your wife and children. He set the bar high for anyone I would ever want to marry and have children with.

Austin leaped over that bar. He is better then any expectations I set. He is hard working, supportive, lovable, personable, charming, handsome, respectful, and makes some pretty babies.

Today, he is flying to Philly for a doctor's appointment.
You see its been three years since Austin was burnt.
Three years, our life changed.
Three years, we thought we would lose Austin.
Though the scars(emotional and physical)still remain, he is still the best man for me.

As he is on his flight, I sit here an think to myself...
Does he know how much we appreciate him?
Does he know how much we love him?
Do I take him for granted?
Do I ever show lack of appreciation?

Today, I want to take a long look at myself and who I have become and figure out, am I the best wife I could be to him?
Could I do better?
Nag less?
Love more?
Watch football instead of gLee?
Let him drink out of the milk jug more.

We take life for granted way to much.
In a second it could be over.
Three years ago it almost was.
Have I done everything I can to live our life to the fullest since?

No, but all I can do is change that today and move forward.

Austin works all day, comes home and immediately is in a better mood when he sees us. He wrestles with Owen, loves on me, helps with whatever I am doing, and watches what I want. He leaves everything outside the door and comes in ready to go.

I couldn't be happier, and often I don't show that.

Today, I am thankful for fathers.
Today, I am especially thankful for Owens and Brylees father.

Come together.

One thing I see a lot: moms trying to out do other moms.

Why? What is the point?

It starts with when you are pregnant, the 'advice' is pushed on you; because let's face it, you don't know what you're doing.

If you decide a certain prenatal, you're wrong.
If you gain to much weight, you're a fatty.
If you don't gain enough, you are harming the innocent baby.
If you take Tylenol, you shall burn in hell, I mean do you not realize the baby gets that too?
To be induced or not?
To get drugged or not?
Natural vs. Cesarean?
You suck, and are lazy if you don't go all natural with zero drugs.
I mean, why even have the baby in the hospital? Hello infections!

To breastfeed or use formula?
No one cares if baby didn't latch or not, they care that you are feeding that baby formula! I mean how dare you feed your child anything other then mother's milk?!

To feed in public or cover up?
Who the hell cares.

Did you carry my child for 40 weeks?
Does your stomach look like you had an affair with Edward scissorhand?
Did your vagina or uterus get torn open?

Your opinion isn't needed.
What makes one mom better?

Why can't moms come together as one, instead of making a competition out of it.
You are setting your child to be the same way.

'My kid will not be your kids friend, because he's vaccinated'

That's fine, take your hippie self somewhere else, because we don't have time for your judgement.

It goes the same with people who don't respect those who don't choose vaccines.
Affer the initial shock of how you choose to raise your own child:
My kids better.

'Oh your nine month old doesn't have the periodic table memorized? Thats to bad, he will probably be a serial killer'

'I can't believe he's not doing(insert whatever the other child does)'. Oh you mean your kid that is four years older then mine, congrats to yall he's super advanced.

My 52 month old still breastfeeds, and only eats organic foods. You can say hes four, thats fine too.

It goes all the way to people who want to tell me not to discipline my own son.

Aca-scuse me?
If I needed any advice or opinions on what I do as a mother I would ask.
I am not a mean person, nor do I think badly of moms who don't agree with my views.
That doesn't mean I am a bad mom and it doesn't mean you are either.

Different strokes for different folks, or something like that.

I just don't agree nor appreciate seeing others on social media or even people I know, judging others or myself.

Didn't we all get an egg fertilized?

So sleepy.

Lately, I have been so tired. It's so hrd to go to sleep at night, and even harder to not hit snooze in the morning. Once upon a time, I would go to bed around 9 and wake up around 8...now I go to bed about 1-2 and still get up at 8. Owen is my alarm clock, he usually gets up about 8:15, and is easy to hear but I have a 8 am alarm set so I can get my booty up and going.
I know this is late for a lot of people, but when I am going to sleep later and later every night, 8 am comes way to early. Maybe the move, and everything else happening is finally catching up to me. No idea.

A day in my life:
We wake up and I run up stairs to get Owen up, I kove his sweet kisses and hugs im the morning. We come down stairs and I change his diaper, potty training is in the near future(he can poop in the potty, but peeing we haven't grasped yet). After diaper change, I wash my hands and get him some milk, then start breakfast. I throw on mickey mouse, and get our vitamins and breakfast out. We eat, clean up and get dressed for the gym. The GYM! Once I dreaded this place, now I LOVE it. Me time. It's about 75 minutes of me time, Owen gets other children to interact with and mommy gets to sweat and work towards her goal. I love it. After the gym, I will either run errands if I need too, or we just go home. We will play for a bit, and I make owen his lunch. Nap time! Nap time is when I eat, catch up on shows, do laundry, and anything else I can cram into those two hours! Once Owen wakea up we play, watch a movie, read a book, really anything he wants to do. I want to get him some colors and paints again so we can do that, he loves coloring. When daddy gets home, that's Owen and daddy time! Owen loves Austin,  the bond they have is truly so amazing. Austin and Owen play, and I start dinner up, pay some bills, really anything I didn't do during nap time. We usually talk a little about all kinds of things, and then I go tan. We eat, bathe the gremlin, and read his bible stories. BAM 7:30 time for bed (:
Mommy and daddy time. Movies, video games anything we can do without my mini chasing me and tickling us.

Every day is basically the same, but I wouldn't change it. Ever. I really enjoy the mom life, and I enjoy being with Owen even more.
Life is good.
Tomorrow is weigh in Wednesday! I don't know if I will actually out my number on here yet, but I will put the lost and measurements and sizes (:

Little bit of this.

Today is about a little bit of everything.

New blog design, and some details I didn't touch on last week, so I figured I would start fresh and new!

The famous Hubby Jack gave me a face lift this weekend that I absolutely love! As you now know, my husband is in the oil field, I'm a stay at home mom with a two year old, and here I will document all the funny things he does, my weight loss journey, married life, and anything else I find amusing.

So first things first, I was once a blogging fool, but when we moved, a lot was going on, I didn't care to get Internet and just put that part of my life on hold. Well, we recently moved up to West Virginia to be with the hubs, because long distance just wasn't cutting it.
I had a lot of previous post that you could once refer too, to get to know me, but last week I deleted a lot. I made a joke about someone, it wasn't hurtful or by any means vicious, but she read it, and then proceeded to tell me what she thought of me and my blog and everything. For that day, I let her get the best of me. I was embarrassed about all the things that were said that I felt the need to go back and delete everything I posted. From me trying to lose weight right after Owen and much more.
After I let it sink in, I thought wait, I am upset that she wanted to make fun of me for actually getting my butt up and doing something with me life? I cried over someone who went and read all 80 plus post about me? Why?! I'm not the one stalking every form of social media,  so if its wrong that I connect with an awesome community, talk about my family, and get healthy...well who cares. I don't have time for that, and I never will. So I am not liked by someone.  Oh well.

This is my place, my safe zone.

I am a wife, and a mother--a young one at that. I started blogging after reading two womens blogs for a while and, deciding I can do this. I can have a whole community of people keeping me accountable for what I am trying to accomplish.

So here I am, 23 year old woman. My goal is to lose 20 more pounds, to be the best version of me that I can be, to be the best mother I can!

I will talk about recipes I learned from pinterest(I pin the best foods), funny things Owen says and does, what its like to be a step mom, life being married, the gym, and when the time comes, I will talk about us expanding our family.

I'm eager to start a new 'blog life'.
I can't wait to see where I am a month, two months, a year from now. I am even more excited to meet new people.
This isn't a place for negativity, I don't want it nor need it, I have some amazing friends and family and I am very happy with where I am and who I am, but I know I can only improve.

Thanks loads!

Friday, a letter to my son.

Friday, what better way to end my semi crappy week then with a letter to my sweet boy.

The reason I keep my head high and move forward, a true blessing.

Dear Owen,
Hello sweet boy! One day I can look back and share this with you.

You are two right now, and you are extremely smart! This morning at the gym, the child care teacher said, "I don't have a little boy, but if I did I would want him to be like Owen! He is so smart and has such a vivid imagination. " Talk about a way to make your mommies head big! Of course your dad and I know you are brilliant, but when others see it, my heart melts.

Right now, your imagination is wild and crazy! You are a sponge! Somehow you learned the phrase, 'I'm sexy' I don't know if I should correct this or just laugh.
You are counting and singing, and love to read the Bible that Aunt Nat and Uncle Miles got you.

You had your first experience with snow and loved it! I love being able to stay home with you and watch you grow. You love being up here with your daddy, I am so happy we made this move.

As a mother, my instinct is to protect you...teach you right from wrong.

This week I have learned a lot about right and wrong. How to turn your cheek to others, but also how to stand up for yourself. I pray that the world we live in will change for the better. I never want you to have to feel pain from another person, nor do I ever want you to be the person hurting another. I want you to be the person who stands up for others, follow your dreams and let them take you to places you only imagine.

Your father is such a great example of a true man and husband, I am so blessed that he will be your guide in what you should strive to be for your future wife.

Always know how much we love you. Know that all we do, we do for you. I look forward to watching you plays sports, bringing home your first report card, and following the right path.
If you play football or sing in the choir, I always want you to be the best 'you' that you can be. Never let someone stomp on your dreams or tell you that you are not good enough.

You are your own person, you are a strong minded little boy, and you will go far with whatever you decide to do.

I like you forever, I will love you for always,
Your mommy.

 

 

Lions don't lose sleep over sheep.

My best friend told me this yesterday. She always has the right thing to say at the right time. Austins words of wisdome was, "bitches be bitches".
I miss her more the words.
Other then Austin, and my trainer, Kaela and Mady are really the only people who know my journey and know how far I have come and how far I will go.

Enough about my day yesterday, today is a new day and I am feeling GOOOD! Thanks Michael Buble (:
So it's morning, just made O-man, daddy and I breakfast. We are going to eat, get dressed, and head to the gym. Burn a good 700 or more calories, come home and do some cleaning. 
Today will be a great day! I will make kt great.

I want to decorate for Christmas so bad, but Austin says its too early for all that.
So, I have all my Christmas decorations set aside (in the middle of our living room) ready to go.

Until tomorrow. 

Hurt people, hurt people.

Hurt people, hurt people.
It took me a while to really understand that saying...but its true.
People who hurt, will do anything to hurt others..or belittle others.

This is MY blog.
The place I come to write my thoughts, experiences, MY journey.
I have been MIA for a couple days, mostly because I have been busy being a kick ass mom and a wife.
Because that's what I am first.
I love blogging.
I love the people who I have met.
I love the community, because even though I may not know some of these people in person, they are way better then some of the people I do know.
Why are people so cruel?
Why do people judge so hard and try to hurt you and make you second guess yourself?

My family will always come first.
I may complain about Austin at times, or Owen screaming bloody murder, or even Brylee running crazy...but don't ever assume that I don't appreciate them or love them.
You know what assuming does don't you?

I try to be the best version of myself that I can be. Yes, I joke around and laugh, but I don't go out of my way to viciously hurt others and make them second guess themselves.
I have been called names before, we all have. I have called names before, we all have. I am no longer in high school though and I don't run around telling people bow disgusting they are or fat. Thats not even something that would cross my mind. Especially since I have been kicking ass in the gym, and I'm down almost 30 lbs and 4 sizes. So please, continue to address my weight with me and judge my body. My body that created life. A tiny human who kicks ass and I pray to God he doesn't grow up with the mouth that some people have.

As a mother and a adult I have to suck up these emotions and go forward.
I have to teach my children right from wrong, because I don't want anyone to ever talk to them they way some 'adults' feel as though they can talk to others.

Say what you want.
At the end of the day, I know I struggle with my marriage, I am human.
I know I struggle with my weight, I go to the gym every dam day though.
I know I struggle with my goals and achieving some of them, I became a mom and wife young. That's what I am first. School will be available when I am ready to finish, and I will.
What goes on in my life is just that, my life.
What I write in my blog is up to me.
Who I choose to be a part of my life is also up to me, and clearly I made a poor decision.

I won't ever regret who I am or what I do, because at the end of the day I know what I may or may not say is way better then the things that have been said to me.

Transformation Tuesday, and my current addictions.

Today, the famous 'Transformation Tuesday' according to Instagram.
I love Instagram, I feel like I have so many friends and know so many people.
When I don't, but what ev.

Let's transform:

Baby K'lynn (;

 Adult K'lynn.

Just a tad bit of change.
Not much.

Now on to a few of my favorite things.

I love TV series, my number one obsession.
I went crazy on our drive up here because I was missing so many shows. I know it's a bad habit, but Owen takes a two hour nap, and goes to bed at 7:30, so what else is a girl to do?

 

 

The Biggest Loser. Always motivates me, tears shed like no other.

How can you not want to take charge when people hundreds of pounds heavier do it.

 

My Love for The Originals may have surpassed my love for Vampire Diaries. I say MAY. I have such a crush on bad boy Klaus, and I just love the whole story line that they are doing.

 

I have watched Greys since day one. How else would I have so much doctoral knowledge if it wasn't for this show?

 

I don't know what I did with my life before I discovered this show.

 

I need to be prepared for a Zombie Apocalypse, and this show does just that. I discovered The Walking Dead last year on Netflix, and watched all the seasons available in about a week, and have continued to watch it.

 

 

 

Now on to other things that I love.

 

 

Unfortunately, it wont let me post some pictures. What the crap.

 

Jimmy Fallon is me second love.

Austin being my first, forever and always (:

 

 

I love Urban Decay makeup, I feel that it has made a huge difference in the way I look, and my confidence has went up a little. Maybe because I actually get dressed?



I love my polar watch, and some spark.
Going to the gym has become a habit, a good one at that. I actually enjoy getting up and going, and I really like seeing results.
I'm not all douche baggy and post a ton of pictures.

Austin bought me a Michael Kors purse, and I love it, I guess you can say that's my new little fashion love. In 15 more pounds I am gonna ask for a watch, or something nice and expensive...I mean come on I am doing us both favors.

Monday.

Motivation Monday!
Mondays, dontcha love them?
Sorry I am posting late, I have spent the majority of my day talking to d'bag Internet companies, trying to find a provider out here. I will admit, I have some anger issues when it comes to people talking to me like I am dumb, or when they keep telling me, "I understand your frustration..." No you don't, because if you did, you would get stuff done. uhthankyouverymuch.

Weekend recap, as well as what we did today.
Friday, Austin got home and we got dressed up to go eat dinner. We decided on Ruby Tuesdays, it was the only place that wasn't packed. When you have a two year old, there is no such thing as a twenty minute wait....unless you want to know what hell is like. Dinner was super yummy, and Owen did GREAT. We got home, put baby O in his jammies, and then Austin and I jumped in bed.
Saturday, I did some cleaning, went and tanned, and picked up some yummy groceries. We had dinner again, but with two of Austins high school friends that also work up here with him, as well as one of his friends girl friends who I don't really get along with. I am not rude to her, but she clearly goes out of her way to make it super awkward and avoid even looking at me. That's fine. She needs some friends though, shes offering 1000$ to her 20,000 follower on Instagram. That should speak volumes in itself. Back to dinner, we ate a Texas Roadhouse, and the wait was horrible, and food was okay. Owen passed out as soon as we got home, and I watched some television.
Sunday, we woke up, I made some breakfast, and started the crock pot to make the hubs some pork tacos for dinner. I also made sausage balls for the football game and went to tan. Owen had a bath, I showered, and then we all went to bed, but I caught up on The Walking Dead. You never know when you will need to fight in a Zombie apocalypse.

And we are to today, good ol' Monday.
Owen and I went to the gym after I made breakfast.
I burnt some calories and sweat my butt off.
Gotta get skinny some how.
Got home, cleaned the houses: dishes, laundry, vacuum, sweep, feed the dog, and keep my child alive.
We played cars, watched Wreck it Ralph, and O went down for a nap.
I shaved my legs like a good wife, but didn't wash my hair. I'm that classy.
Austin got home, I made a ham, and we called it a night.
He is in the living room watching who knows what, and I am in our room watching, This is The Voice.
I am not totally invested this season. Just not impressed.
I will be watching Teen Mom 3 after this, just so I am able to feel better about myself.
Also, Alex off teen mom, get off the gas. You need a major chill pill.
I shall end with that.