Guess what, I don't care.
Austin and I were very poor the first year we got married and we both went with out a lot.
We still don't do a lot for ourselves, always for the kids or family. When we do get each other things it's usually big things, so yes technically I am spoiled, but so is Austin.
My computer I have now is a piece.
A piece of what you may ask...a piece of SHIT.
I try to make it work, but often it freezes and I can't upload or do anything so it's hard to blog.
Which brings me back to wanting a Mac. Not any time soon, but eventually it would be great.
I will probably shoot to get one when I decided to go back to school. Touchy subject so lets move on.
I got up today, got my spark, made breakfast, and went to the gym. It was such a rush. How did I go almost two weeks without getting in?!
Yes I got effing tired as all get out.
I even got the munchies today.
I know its gonna be a hard transition with the food, once again. Story of my life. I love to eat.
But good ol' Demi got me through my work out
All the pain and the truth
I wear like a battle wound
So ashamed, so confused
I was broken and bruised
Now I'm a warrior
Now I've got thicker skin
I'm a warrior
I'm stronger than I've ever been
It's a slow song, but that ish gets you going.
Put that on repeat and I remembered who I am and what I want.
Where I have come from, and a hour later I am tired. I am burnt. But I came for what I wanted.
I am no fitness guru.
I am no expert.
I am not a runner.
I am no health nut.
I am overweight.
I am a mother.
I am a wife.
I have stretch marks.
I have rolls.
I have insecurities.
I have a long way to go.
But I'm not broken.
I may stop at times, but I will keep going.
Losing weight, and trying to get healthy is not easy.
Gaining weight, and shoveling food into my mouth is easy peasy.
I wont regret leg day, I will regret eating a bag of white cheddar popcorn and devouring a 12 pack of bold, rich 23 flavors of Dr. Pepper goodness in a week.
I will have a ton of first days.
I will have a ton of Monday's.
I will not have a 'I quit' day.
Ever again.
I constantly hear others talking about why they are overweight, and how they want to lose it but have no idea how they got there.
Has to be health reasons.
No way in hell can I really be considered obese.
I was there.
No it's not some crazy hormonal reason that you gained weight.
Yes, you can lose it.
Don't make excuses, get up and do it.
I'm not harsh.
I'm not being cruel.
At some point you will hit your bottom, and wish you started before you hit.
I was crying how fat I was in November 2012, and I was weighing around 180.
I let myself get up to 220, before I took control and decided to change.
I still have ways to go.
I still have tears to cry.
It doesn't happen over night.
It doesn't happen in a week.
Time will tell you everything about yourself.
Time will help you heal.
This journey has been a lot more then just weight loss.
I have battled inner demons with myself. I have forgiven. I have grown.
If I come out of this at my goal weight, of course I will be happy, but I will be more happy with the fact that I have self love.
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