SJ.

I can't believe I have one week left until we will welcome our two sweet boys into this world!
Its crazy to think our family of four will change to six in a matter of minutes!

I have many mixed emotions about everything.
This pregnancy has been one for the books...
One thing I can say, is I absolutely hate when people try to give me 'advice'.

• You're tired now, wait until they get here
• You need to keep them in as long as you can
• At least they aren't close in age with Owen

To those few things I have to say.

First, I have had a new born, its not something you prepare for, its something that just comes to you, and I can admit, I am MORE tired during pregnancy then I ever was with Owen as a newborn.

Newborns, you are overwhelmed with joy.

Newborns, you sleep when they do, and its comfortable sleep. Not this wake up every three hours to pee, or cry because I am so big I can't get out of the bed.

Second, are you my doctor?

Third, you are right, Owen will be three years older then my TWO newborns who will be the EXACT same age. Shove it.

Many pregnant women develop more intense emotions.
Sad, mad, happy, angry, lovey, you get the point.

I am just sad, then mad, then I get sad again.

At this point I feel anxious though.
My level of anxiety has hit the roof the past month.
Owen will be three tomorrow, and it kills me. I miss him being little, and I wonder have I been the best mother I can be to him these past three years? Have I done everything I can to show him how much I love him?
We recently put him in a pre-school program, and he loves it. The decision was hard, but Owen became curious about school, and meeting new friends, and I  began to realize I'm not able to be the best version of myself at this point during my pregnancy. I can't get on the floor with him or do all the things I was once able to do.
It killed me, but I know not much longer and I will be able too.

I also am having anxiety about my weight and body.
I am 36.5 weeks pregnant and have gained forty pounds!! The majority of that weight came after 20 weeks pregnant, and it came fast.
The boys are a little over 6.5 pounds a piece so that's roughly 13 pounds of babies.
Still, I am the biggest I have ever been, and I worry about losing the weight.
I worry about what my skin will look like after they are born.
I worry about Austin still being attracted to me.
I  worry about the recovery time, because at this point I just want to get into the gym.

These may be petty things to worry about, I know.
But the things I don't worry about are the fact that these boys will have two parents who love them.
They have all they need and more.
The best father to teach them and grow with them.
A brother who is so excited to meet them and ready to play!

So yes, I have many mixed emotions, about a lot of things...but am I ready to meet them...
Yes, indeed I am.