Be prepared for some rambling, run on sentences, and much more.
I always get deep around holidays. I think too much. I reflect on things. I beat myself up. Really, I just think and absorb everything in my life.
I know that everything I have done or haven't done has shaped me into the person I am, as well as the person I am becoming. We constantly change.
I read in a book once that the key to a good marriage is loving every aspect of your spouse as well as yourself. You have to teach yourself to fall in love with that person all over again, because as much as they have changed through out your relationship, you have too.
Where would I be if Austin and I didn't meet? I would like to hope that I would be a graduate, and starting my career.
Where would I be if I wasn't adopted. Most likely, I would be a high school drop out, with two or three kids. Learning the family business, 'How to cook everything under your kitchen sink, and turn it into meth'. I come from a winning family tree. Luckily, I did get some awesome parents, who taught me right from wrong, and made me the woman who looks and longs for there approval, when she already has it. I am not sure where I would be with out them.
Where would I be if Owen wasn't here? I would probably be stretch mark free. But I also wouldn't know a love so strong, so deep, and so rewarding. I though I knew love with Austin, but its a different love when you have a child. I remember being pregnant, wondering if I would love my baby as much as I love Brylee. Love multiplies. It grows. It gets stronger.
I think about people who have come in and out of my life. I know we all have our reasons, and life happens. I also know that every person I have been friends with, and I am still friends with has shaped me. I know what a healthy friendship is like. I know what it's like when both people put the same amount of time, love, encouragement into the friendship. I also have learned what I strive to be as a friend, and how not to treat others.
I remember the petty things I have done in the past.
Was it worth it?
Did I accomplish anything with the gossip, angry text, rude facebook status?
No. No I didn't.
Do I feel bad about it? Of course.
Have I mended those relationships? Some yes, some are not able to fix.
Everything we do or say has a consequence. People may forgive, but they don't forget. The saying, 'sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me' that's a lie. Words hurt. They cut deep, and words are one thing you can't ever take back. ALWAYS think before you speak.
I often think way to much about the negative people in my life, but at the same time, those people have changed me for the better.
I am twenty-three, I am a young mother and wife, and I already know what kind of mother and wife I want to be...I strive to be, because of the rude and hateful people in my life.
Every time I want to give up at the gym, I go back to my junior year, and the dumb jock who called me a cow and mooed at me. I think about the girl who sent me text about how fat I am, how gross my body is, and I keep going. The people who bring me down, also fuel my fire, because if there is one thing in this world I know for sure, its that I don't want to be like those people.
I don't know where I will be in a month, two months, or a year. I do know that I will be better then I am now though. All I can ever do is strive to be better.
Be a better wife.
Be a better mother.
Be a better daughter.
Be a better sister.
Be a better friend.
Be the best version of K'lynn that I can be.
We forget who we are at times.
We forget where we have come from, and where we are going.
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